You can love your job and still burn out: The hidden weight of expat life

You moved for the possibility. You got the job, the apartment, the bike, and you’ve eaten your first stroopwafel as a local. It’s the dream. 

Months pass, and you are tired in ways you’ve never been. You still see the promise, but something’s off. And it’s not just about work. You haven’t yet found a place you can call home.

This is the story of how you burned out, bit by bit.

The myth: Overtime equals burnout

Burnout doesn’t just mean long hours, a toxic boss or culture, or a lack of work-life balance, although those are the most common symptoms. Burnout can be quieter, sneaking up even when work is fine.

For expats, it is often rooted in the continuous emotional recalibration of rebuilding a sense of belonging, translating yourself, and trying to stay fine while everything around you changes.

According to a 2018 survey by Healthcare for Internationals (H4i), over 50% of international residents in the Netherlands reported experiencing mental health challenges, with 70% linking these directly to the process of relocation and settling in.

A 2023 Expat Insider report by InterNations supports this: while the Netherlands ranks high for quality of life, many expats said they struggled to feel at home, and around 50% found it difficult to make local friends, a known factor influencing overall wellbeing.

Statistics only confirm what many expats already know from experience: rebuilding a life from scratch costs you, physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Post-stroopwafel phase

Expat burnout often follows a timeline that’s easy to miss until it’s too late.

The honeymoon phase (0 - 6 months)

Everything feels new and full of promise. You love that you can bike everywhere, that your colleagues go home on time, and that you are starting over. You got your BSN and AH bonuskaart. There is adrenaline, curiosity… and a healthy amount of denial.

The silent drain (6 - 12 months)

Conversations require you to constantly explain yourself, what you find funny, and what's important to you. You’re trying to navigate healthcare, understand Dutch culture, and remember to check out when you get off the bus. These repeated, conscious adaptations begin to wear you down.

The invisible wall (1+ year)

The excitement fades. You thought that you’d effortlessly fit into this perfect world populated by the friendliest, most inclusive people. Yet every day, the illusion of belonging falls apart. You still don’t feel fully part of your new gezellige world, and you miss not having to try so hard. You start to ask yourself: Am I just bad at this? Do I need to try harder?

This is where many expats push through, mistaking disconnection for a lack of effort on their part and spiralling into becoming the version of themselves they hope will finally fit.

Need help? Contact Senseful Mind Coaching now!

Lost in translation

Because it does not stem solely from overwork, expat burnout hides in plain sight. You might still be showing up, meeting deadlines, keeping it together, and all while experiencing: 

• Identity displacement: you feel like the competent, funny, resourceful version of yourself you were most eager to bring along got lost somewhere between airports. You have to use what you’ve got to redefine yourself in a new language, new context and new culture.
• Emotional translation: you’re decoding non-stop: tone, humour, rules, expectations. Even when people are kind, the process of being understood is tiring. 
• Belonging deficit: friendships back home fade with distance. You may have made acquaintances here, but only found a few people who really get you. You surround yourself with people, and yet they don’t feel like your people.

The effort of ongoing adaptation starts to show. You lose motivation for hobbies or social plans. You feel detached or numb. You move through days on autopilot.

What recovery really means

However tempting quitting your job or taking a sabbatical is, it might not help in the long term. Instead, recovery should focus on restoring a sense of belonging and self-connection. Here are some ideas on how to do that:

Find small anchors

Create tiny grounding rituals that remind you who you are. Cook a familiar meal or plan recurring times to reconnect (virtually) with friends and family, even if you’re just eating together or laughing at the same movie over WhatsApp.

Choose emotional mirrors over social contacts

Look for people who see you beyond your “expat” role. There’s a good chance you’ll click with other internationals. After all, they likely understand what you’re going through.

Redefine what integration means for you

A Dutch passport might not make you feel at home. Integration is about weaving your old and new selves, like pairing bitterballen with your own sauce.

Reconnect with purpose

What makes you feel most alive? Maybe it is learning, helping others, or movement. Rebuilding that sense of meaning is often what heals burnout; renewing your energy, not just your coping mechanisms.

A different way to measure success

Many expats equate “integration success” with speaking Dutch beyond the supermarket level or handling the Belastingdienst without breaking a sweat.

Real success, though, is when you finally feel safe enough to exhale and be yourself, even at your Dutch address. 

Because belonging - not simply fitting in - is what helps you bend without breaking, so that, eventually, the biggest inconvenience in your Dutch life is the weather.