Summer is not just for holidays and rest. For a lot of expats, it is a time to move on to the next adventure. It can be a time to reflect, to visit family or take the opportunity to see new places and explore.
For people who have never lived abroad, this can be seen as a unique experience or a courageous decision. But the truth is that living abroad is not only about the decision of where to spend 300 days per year, it is a decision that changes every day of the year and yourself forever.
Our family is a bi-national one and this year was the year that we felt this more than ever. Our children are getting older and they clearly have the desire to explore different countries and have different experiences. The things and places that we know about Ligia’s home country are getting old or disappearing. And even if Ligia speaks the language, she does it with a funny accent now (like our friends say).
A profound change
The idea that people will return is a myth. They will not return because they are a totally different person now. Not just from a social perspective, or because of changed habits or routines, but a more profound change. It is the change in their beliefs and values. This concept is explained by NLP (Neurolinguistics Programming).
"I don't belong anywhere"
If we recognise that external events (people, situations, moments, things) are only recognised by us when we are able to give them a name (concept / word), it is easy to understand that when people talk in a different language, they are basically creating a totally new world for themselves.
This is also the explanation that supports the study done by Baruch College and Professor David Luna; people have a different personality each time they change the language that they speak in.
And why did we decide to write about this? Because we see a lot of people fighting this change and saying: “I don’t belong anywhere.” And often, they are creating a place of emotional challenge by forcing themselves to belong; to feel at home in the country that was their home for a long part of their lives.
Making "coming home" easier
How can you make “coming home” easier?
- Recognise what has changed in your beliefs and how you see the world
- Identify the things that are important to you and the things you would like to do during your time “home”
- Do all the things above and nothing more
- Save time for yourself during your “home” holidays
- Plan to “come back” and share it with your close family
- Divide the holidays between time spent at “home” and time experiencing something new
It's not really about "coming home"
Realise that it is not really the act of “coming home” that is causing you to have all of these emotions, but more your thoughts about “coming home”. Everything will be ok once you realise that you are not "coming home", but you are just arriving at a place that you know.