DON’T MISS
IamExpat FairIamExpat Job BoardIamExpat Webinars
Newsletters
EXPAT INFO
CAREER
HOUSING
EDUCATION
LIFESTYLE
EXPAT SERVICES
NEWS & ARTICLES
Home
Expat Info
Dutch news & articles
Invader Stu: The trouble with bicycle racks
Never miss a thing!Sign up for our weekly newsletters with important news stories, expat events and special offers.
Keep me updated with exclusive offers from partner companies
By signing up, you agree that we may process your information in accordance with our privacy policy



Related Stories

Invader Stu: A Dutch guide to campingInvader Stu: A Dutch guide to camping
Invader Stu: The Dutch Love SeatInvader Stu: The Dutch Love Seat
Invader Stu: bicycle Kung Fu furyInvader Stu: bicycle Kung Fu fury
Invader Stu: The lost bikeInvader Stu: The lost bike
Invader Stu: Expat supportersInvader Stu: Expat supporters
Invader Stu: Things to do during a Dutch heatwaveInvader Stu: Things to do during a Dutch heatwave
Invader Stu: Children’s Dutch Circle PartyInvader Stu: Children’s Dutch Circle Party
Invader Stu: How to spot tourists in AmsterdamInvader Stu: How to spot tourists in Amsterdam
For expats of all colours, shapes and sizes

Explore
Expat infoCareerHousingEducationLifestyleExpat servicesNews & articles
About us
IamExpat MediaAdvertisePost a jobContact usSitemap
More IamExpat
IamExpat Job BoardIamExpat HousingIamExpat FairsWebinarsNewsletters
Privacy
Terms of usePrivacy policyCookiesAvoiding scams

Never miss a thing!Sign up for expat events, news & offers, delivered once a week.
Keep me updated with exclusive offers from partner companies
By signing up, you agree that we may process your information in accordance with our privacy policy


© 2025 IamExpat Media B.V.
© 2025 IamExpat Media B.V.
Stuart B
An accident prone Englishman living in Holland since 2001. Still not great with the language but finds stampot lekker.Read more

Invader Stu: The trouble with bicycle racks

May 6, 2013

There is something very undignified about losing a fight with a bicycle rack. Even if you do manage to win you still can’t walk away without feeling more than a little humiliated.

Many bicycles, few bicycle racks

The problem is that there are just so many bicycles in Amsterdam and so few bicycle racks to park them in. Bicycles end up being forced in to them and tightly jammed together at all kinds of odd angles.

And because it is often impossible to find anywhere else, you have no other option but to add your own bike to the tangled mess when you want to chain it up somewhere.

Parking your bicycle in a bicycle rack is an exercise in brute force and perseverance and it is very important that you don’t mind (or care) if a few things get broken in the process. Peddles get trapped in wheels and handle bars become entangled with brake cables.

It’s like trying to force two unrelated jigsaw puzzle pieces together with a hammer (if they were both made out of sharp, rusty metal). It’s a task that would send even the most calm and serene of people into a blind rage.

Even when you have managed to do it (and the urge to murder has started to diminish) the real trouble has only just begun.

Locking your bicycle to the rack

Because you have now "successfully" forced your bicycle between its two rusty neighbours there is even less room for you to manoeuvre and you still have to somehow lock your bicycle to the rack.

Reaching over the handlebars won’t work because you can no longer squeeze yourself between the bikes to get close enough (even when awkwardly stretching over while standing on one leg).

This often leaves you no other option but to crouch down and squeeze yourself awkwardly between the bicycles as you reach out, chain in one hand and the keys in the other, trying to lock bicycle and rack together and remain calm.

However, as if this situation was not infuriating enough already you will inevitably find your goal frustratingly just out of reach when your coat or backpack suddenly becomes caught on some random bicycle part which you are now unable to free yourself from.

At this point it’s worth questioning how much you actually like cycling and if it is all worth it.

But eventually, after much frustrated and annoyed struggling, you finally manage to reach and successfully lock the chain around the front of your bicycle and the rack!

Now, try to stand up!

You can relax. You have been successful... but then you try to stand up.

Whatever random bicycle part you became snagged upon while trying to lock your bike is now the same one stopping you from backing out as well (and threatening to pull half your clothes off over your head if you try).

It’s like being a fly trapped in a spider web made of bicycle chains and break cables. It is then, after a while of unsuccessfully struggling to get free a very embarrassing realisation starts to settle in.

You are a grown man (or woman) trapped in a bicycle rack and you have only two options open to you: remain trapped for several hours or face the humiliation of of having to call out for help from a random passerby (which should not be too hard because by now you’ve already drawn a crowd of on lookers).

And as if that was not enough, you know that whichever option you choose you have to do the whole thing in reverse when you want your bicycle back.
 

Invader Stu is an accident prone Englishman who has been suffering from Dutch culture shock for the last ten years. Enjoy his stories, more of which can be found on Invading Holland.
 

By Stuart B