How I became my home

By Vivian Chiona

This year marks a decade of my being an expat and I see now that I’ve felt between homes for all this time. Only recently did I realise that this feeling of belonging everywhere and nowhere has created a subtle but constant pressure in my life.

I guess the "where is home?" question is a burning one for most expats. For me, the answer kept changing. Sometimes it was Greece, other times the Netherlands, or even "the international bubble" (because being around other expats / internationals often gives me a sense of home).

The expat’s evolving definitions of home

But recently I changed my way of seeing things. I realised that:

I love my travels and adventures abroad as much as I love going "home", however it is defined in the moment.

I’ve been carrying around nostalgia, melancholy and resentment. This often had me longing for home, and then I’d want to get back as soon as I got home! Perhaps this is because expat life can have an unreal quality to it, as if every experience is temporary, which means times of complete satisfaction can be fleeting.

My sense of home has shifted, as happens to many expats. More recently, while going through a difficult time in my life, and losing almost everything I had taken for granted, my foundations - and any sense of home - have been shaken.

And at that very point came one of the deepest insights I’ve ever had: I have become my home!

Finding your way home

How? I became my home by:

Acknowledging that the "home question" was there, yet trusting the answer would come one day. And until it did, I needed to accept the ambiguity, know that I was where I was meant to be, and get the most out of the situation.

Similarly, not trying so hard to find the answer to where home is. Sometimes clarity comes not from thoughts but from engagement. In doing things that meet my current needs (and desires), the answer often comes.

Feeling immense gratitude for all I have ever had and for all I have now.

Projecting less into the future (five-year plans, be gone!). Today, if I have fears about my future, I try to replace them with more functional thoughts. I visualise the future I wish for and then ask myself, "What is the next right move in the right here, right now?" In this way I try to keep moving ahead, rather than stay stuck.

Raising my standards for "right here, right now", the only thing I have for sure.

Having the courage to express myself (my thoughts, feelings, nostalgia, confusion) to people I trust.

Last but not least: making myself a priority.

A new sense of belonging

Yes, I became my home and this makes me feel more real; it gives me a sense of belonging, a solid foundation. It has also given me the opportunity to truly connect almost everywhere I go, and however I spend my time.

At the end of the day, each of us is on our own path and challenged with our own unanswered questions. Why I am sharing this with you? Perhaps my journey will give you insight and inspiration to continue with your journey, just as I got inspiration from others!

What does home mean to you? How has your experience of home shifted? Do you feel that you have more than one home?


Vivian Chiona
Vivian Chiona is the founder and director of Expat Nest (www.expatnest.com), which provides emotional support to expats and their families through online counseling services. A bicultural, multilingual expat with family all over the world, Vivian is familiar with the blessings and challenges of a mobile life. Created in 2013, Expat Nest's e-counseling service was conceived exclusively for expats as a way of offering counseling without borders. As a professional psychologist with a Bachelor's degree in Psychology and a Master's degree in both Child & Adolescent Psychology and Health Psychology, Vivian has successfully consulted with more than 1,000 clients and has delivered training on a variety of topics such as transition, Third Culture Kids (TCKs), coping with change, dealing with stress, bereavement and expat loss, special educational needs, and more. You can join her free newsletter and get more of her tips, here: www.expatnest.comRead more

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