We’ve all had those nagging moments in our lives when we feel less connected with ourselves and the people we love. Stuck in an emotional place of not knowing what we want, what to do, and how to live; unable to “go placidly amid the noise and haste…”
Finding our core in these moments and connecting to our innermost grounding is key to coming to a place of equilibrium. Achieving this connection and equilibrium is something that we all have the power to do. Here are five simple steps to help you on your way to improved well-being and inner peace:
The first step to regaining a connection with yourself is to acknowledge your feelings and realise that there is nothing wrong with you, nor is it your fault that you have come to this crossroad in your life. This is simply because the majority of us have never been taught how to connect with ourselves; how to understand our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and interpret their intertwined nature.
If you think about it, when you were a child and were crying, your parents likely tried to distract you by giving you a toy, playing music or doing something else to shift your focus from the source of your sadness or dissatisfaction. As a result, the majority of us have learnt to go through life and distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings, thoughts and emotions. This can be, for example, by engaging in hard work, going out, meeting friends, or watching Netflix.
However, while this may prove effective for a time, there is always a point when distraction is no longer a solution. It simply doesn’t work anymore. Once this happens, we have to go inside ourselves and reflect.
The second step is the key step and core of the self-coaching process. In this step, you look inward and outline answers to several pivotal questions, namely: Do I want to change? What do I want to change? How can I change it? What is the final result I want to achieve?
To arrive at the right answers to these questions and see your big picture, you need to go through a self-reflection process. For me, a process of looking inward is a process of alignment between your mind, heart and power centre (it is located just below your belly button). Take a journal and pen. Sit. Think. Brainstorm. Feel. Write.
First, focus on and look into your mind and ask: what do you think about this situation (your perception about the situation, yourself, people, etc)? Write it down. Then, focus on your heart area, go inside your heart and ask what do I feel, what do I experience in this situation? Write it down. Finally, go into your power centre and ask: what do I want, what do I truly desire in this situation? Write down everything that comes to you.
Any life coach would ask you to think about the big picture. If you’re going to be your own life coach, think and feel your big picture and let your imagination roam freely while navigating through your mind, heart and power centre and exploring possible life changes. As a result of this alignment, you will be able to reach a deep connection with yourself and explore the situation from different perspectives.
Following reflection within your mind, heart and power centre, the next step is to ask yourself: Do I want to change? By the time you come to this question, you have likely reached a point where the prospect of something else, even though it is unclear and uncertain, is better than what you have right now. However, change brings risks and demands your focus. Change always requires work. And so, it is important to critically evaluate this question for yourself and if you deem a change to be necessary to do so with intention. This is a critical step to becoming your own life coach.
Once you have decided to change, you need to decide what changes you want to make. Hence, your next question is: What do I want to change?
You may already have a sense of what you want to change, for example: improving your health, bettering your relationship, switching your career, changing your place of living, learning to treat yourself with kindness, striving to become more confident, building your personal boundaries, or connecting more effectively with yourself.
Knowing where you want to be, even in a broad sense, is a very important step to take as your own life coach. This step is often overlooked or skimmed over, so be sure to be clear about what you want to change in your life.
Self-reflection is by no means an easy process and so you may wish to share some of what you have identified and written down with others. Talking through your dreams and wishes and your fears and concerns can help you define your life changes and necessary action steps.
Others may help you to look at your situation from a different beneficial perspective and challenge you in your ambitions and conclusions. Having someone ask questions, delve into your motivations, and dig into your psyche can help you be honest with yourself and set you on the right path.
Sometimes, we’re our biggest hindrance and the perspective of someone else, in the form of a life coach, for example, might just be what you need!