How to support your child during a move

Rhythm and rituals

To keep stress under control during this often-chaotic period, it is actually important for all children to maintain the rhythm and rituals to which they are accustomed wherever possible. This will help to settle your child. Children live from moment to moment, following a fixed order.

During this period, it’s important to make time for your child every day, give them that one-on-one attention. Lots of hugging, closeness and security; that helps tremendously.

It is also good to explain why you are moving and to approach it with a positive perspective. If children notice that you are happy and looking forward to the move, they can trust that it is a positive experience and may also become enthusiastic and curious.

Moving with a baby

With babies, you might think they won’t even notice a move. However, babies can sense stress in their parents; they have sensitive little feelers for that. Your pace of speaking and working changes and your heart rate goes up. Babies mirror that stress and become more agitated themselves as a result. So, try to stay out of that vicious cycle.

Moving with a toddler

If toddlers love anything, it's packing and unpacking. So, give them a moving box that they can put their own things in and move to the new house. Also, let your toddler unpack this box in their new room. This will offer a feeling of control: they know what happens to their stuff.

Another idea is to have your toddler decorate a moving box.This will help prepare them for the move. After all, children process what they are experiencing through play.

It’s also recommended to make your toddler's new room the same as in the old house as much as possible. That familiarity offers security. So, refrain from giving children aged four or younger a new bed; instead, take the old one with you.

Moving with preschoolers, kindergarteners and young school-aged children

Preschoolers, kindergarteners and young school-aged children like to exert influence; it gives them a feeling of control. So, why not let them help decide on the colour of their new bedroom walls to give them that sense of control they need. 

When your school-aged children grab paper and colouring pencils to design their new bedroom, maybe a new big kid bed can be purchased.

In the new house, make sure that you prepare your child's room as soon as possible so that they have a nice place of their own right away.

Don't prepare too early

Concerning the preparation: we adults have a clock to tell time, but young children live in the moment. So, don't prepare them too early. They don't have that sense of time yet and it can make them feel unsettled if it's unclear when you're going to move. One idea is to visualise it with a countdown calendar with stickers so your child can see how far away the move is.

Social life and new neighbourhood

At this age, it is also no longer just about the old and new house, but about a social life that children must leave behind as well. Maybe their friends can come over and see the new house sometime; have your child give them a tour of the new place! 

Also make sure to have a fun and memorable farewell at school and daycare, in consultation with the teachers and pedagogical staff.

It is important that you limit the extent of the slump that children may fall into after the move. For example, a move during the summer vacation is not very convenient.

Also, try to connect with new neighbours and children from the start. Walk around the new neighbourhood: where is the supermarket, where is the train station, where is the school? Take your kids to check out the new school, after school care or daycare centre.

Moving with older children

Children aged eight years and older already have tremendous social lives. A move therefore has a significant impact. Children of that age are in the process of establishing their place within a group or have just succeeded, and then they have to leave. It is important that you talk to your child as much as possible. Welcome their current group of friends to your home and start the conversation. How can they keep in touch?

Have a farewell party, if your child wants to. For children of this age, you are often more of a coach than a parent. Above all, connect with their needs.

Saying goodbye

For the reality of the move to truly set in, it is very important to say goodbye. With a toddler and preschooler, you do that by walking through the old house for the last time and waving: "Bye kitchen, bye bedroom, bye front door, we are going to our new house! New people will come live here now!" And then you go to the new house: "Hello new house!" and walk around there again. This way, the unknown territory becomes known.

Time for new things

For your child, it is good to realise that a goodbye may make them sad, but something new always comes in return. Therefore, before saying goodbye, children need to know what's next. Try to make your child curious about that new thing.

Possible relapse

In younger children, moving may cause them to relapse. If they are used to using the toilet, for example, they may begin wetting themselves again. Or they may experience sleep regression. That's a very logical consequence of such a big change in a young life. Above all, don't put too much pressure on things. Be patient, understanding and accept it as it is.

Each house also has its own sounds, and they have to get used to that. See where those noises are coming from and investigate them together.

Children are flexible

Once your child gets used to it, that new structured rhythm will come naturally. Children are very flexible as long as they have that fixed basis: security, rhythm, attention. With that foundation, everything will be fine.