NY Resolutions - Fooling yourself, or the way for dreams to come true?
It’s like asking if there is a way to bake chocolate muffins or fry a steak. There is no difference in learning how to cook by cooking with a cookbook in your hand and working on your soft skills to get a grip on your life.
If someone is achieving results that you want to have too, just find out how she or he is doing it and start doing the same. Get a recipe from him or her and, by following their steps, you will be able to finally achieve the same results.
The same steps with the same ingredients must lead to the same end result. To paraphrase Albert Einstein: doing the same thing and expecting to achieve different results would be insane!
First you need to know what you want & why
As a life coach I often meet clients with a basic problem. They want to have a successful life but when I ask them "What is the definition of success for you?" they struggle to answer.
What is a successful life for you? What would you do if you won 1.000.000 euros today in the state lottery?
Now, ask yourself why don't New Year’s resolutions usually work out? What are New Year’s resolutions really? They are goals. Why do people fail to reach their goals? Because their goals are wrongly set in the first place!
Usually people tend to describe their goals as kind of blurry wishes or just the opposite of the things they don’t want in their life. "I want to have more money," "I want to have a better house," "I don’t want to work in this company anymore," "I don’t want to meet stupid men / women anymore."
Your sub-conscious mind doesn't understand jokes and doesn't understand negation, which belongs to conscious logic. You will get exactly what you asked for.
One of my clients wanted to earn more money. So, he started to work harder, work overtime and do additional tasks in order to be noticed by the management. And he succeeded. He was invited to his manager’s office to find out that he got a raise. A measly 49 euros gross raise, to be precise.
He wanted more money, he got more money. But is this a successful example? Not really. On the contrary, that is a great example of blurry goal setting!
Also, there is an old saying that "What you resist persists." The more you focus on the things you don't want in your life, the more you will get them.
Ask yourself "What do I want to have instead?" For example, if you don’t want to argue with your partner, what kind of relationship would you like to have instead?
Five simple steps to set goals correctly
Let’s go through the five basic steps to determine your exact goals:
› 1. Visualise the outcome
Imagine that you can press a magic button and your wish would come through right now. What has changed? What has become possible? What does your world look like now? Imagine as many details as possible.
› 2. State the goal in a positive way
What do you want? If you don’t want something, what do you want instead? If you want to have less of something, what do you want to have more of in its place?
› 3. Establish a clear evidence procedure
How will you know that the goal has been achieved?
› 4. Make sure that the goal is not in conflict with your values or other goals
If you would hurt another person by achieving the goal, adjust it. If you think the goal you want is in conflict with your personal values, or other goals, think about it again.
For example, if you want to have more money, but you believe that money makes people evil, you are going to sabotage yourself. Also, if you want to spend more time with family and develop your career, it is probably not going to work out.
› 5. Make sure that achieving your goal depends on YOU or at least on a person willing to help you!
Does achieving the goal depend on you only? If not, will the other person or people involved help you for sure? Will they be there for you 100 percent?
Now, grab your favourite drink, pen and paper, set aside at least one hour and start planning a great new year!
I look forward to hearing from you about your goals - feel free to share them under this article. Stating your goals publicly can help you to achieve them too!
Krystian Kaczor is an Expat Service Provider who helps people to establish a vision, discover their potential, and develop new skills to make their dreams come true. For more information:
› Visit his website
› Download the free goals setting sheet