David Venn is a Canadian expat and PR specialist working in The Netherlands. www.dvenn.com.
A season of solitude
21 December 2010, by David Venn
A season of solitude: lessons from a German poet
In 1903, a German poet named Rainer Maria Rilke wrote to a young Franz Kappus, describing the holiday season as a time when the feeling of aloneness is likely to weigh more heavily upon the soul.
Photo by Flickr user Cia de Foto
As a Canadian expat who will soon spend his second Christmas away from home in Den Haag, Rilke's words resonate strongly.
This time last year I had the good fortune to be surrounded by group of international students who were also experiencing their first holiday season abroad. We delighted in the romance of a European Christmas. We shared stories of cultural traditions. We felt together because we were all apart.
This year, with those students gone, the weight of aloneness feels slightly heavier. The fresh contact has dissipated and the reality that I am not with those I care about most during the holiday season has settled in. Worse yet, a steady stream of online Xmas updates, holiday photos and friendly emails from home wishing "I was there" have actually made me feel more distant, not less.
In his Letters to a Young Poet, Rilke fondly reminds us that being lonely is good, for it is not easy to be alone. He also emphasises that the fact that something is difficult must be one more reason to do it.
Though there may be little comfort in Rilke's assertion that we are utterly alone, especially in the things most intimate and important to us, perhaps it is exactly in those moments of aloneness that we are able to more clearly reflect on who we are and what we want.
Simply put, personal growth requires solitude. And while the expat life may indeed be filled with its share of lonely moments that at times seem to signal anything but progress, this life also offers a wealth of opportunities to develop personally and professionally amidst moments of seclusion. Removed from the daily distractions of life back home, I have found many chances as an expat to embrace solitude in ways that I did not previously. I have been forced to come out of my proverbial social shell. I have learned the joys and sorrows of traveling solo. And most importantly, I have found the time to cultivate an identity in agreement with my own interests and desires, not in contrast to others.
It is with these thoughts in mind that spending my second holiday season abroad feels a little less daunting. I am happy not to be dealing with the inevitable stressors of the holiday season, the rampant surge of North American consumerism, and the endless wave family gatherings. I have taken refuge in the solace of solitude. And for me that is one of the greatest gifts of all.
Photo by Flickr user Shandi-lee
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WRITE A COMMENT
Hi David - just a quick note to hope that, even if you're miles from family and friends, that you manage to find some Christmas cheer here in The Netherlands. I can really empathise with you. But look on the bright side - guaranteed seconds of dinner and Gluhwein and no-one to suggest you should eat your sprouts! - Milly
Hi Milly - thanks for the kind words. the line between solitude and aloneness is a fine one. I highly recommend Rilke's work if you haven't already read it. Happy holidays. Look forward to your next piece. Dave
Hi David. It's my first Christmas abroad and by my self, and your article echo's my thought processes and experiences. Much appreciated.
This will be our family's third Christmas in Nederland. We've brought our traditions with us and added new ones along the way. When we mentioned the possibility of moving up the annual holiday trip to a new European destination, our son, now back attending university in the US, insisted on having Christmas 'at home'. Rilke was correct: invite some friends over for a small holiday get-together, catch up on reading and glorious sleep, do some of the things you rarely have time for, and remember why your family/past/'home' mean something to you. You're making memories of your 'home for now' that you'll carry forward in years to come. Happy holiday.
About the Author
David Venn