Supporting your expat child and yourself

04 Jan 2010

One of the main learning points I’ve had as the
parent of an expat child is about maintaining a
positive feeling in the home. Being an expat is at
times a demanding lifestyle and what can be
said and done in the home during stressful times
can impact greatly on children.

So I have the following recommendations:

1. Self-care and family needs
Make sure you as the main carer / parent finds
time to look after yourself. These questions may
help you to consider how you are doing:

› How did you spend your time before you
became a parent and also before becoming an
expat?
› What else are you doing now besides being a
parent? If you have recently become an expat
consider before and after your moves too.
› How well do you think you look after yourself?
› What would you like to change about your life
and if you can’t change living abroad, how can
you change how you feel about your life now?
› What effect has having children had on your
relationship with your partner? What effect has
being an expat had too?
› Write down 10 words that represent your family
before you became expats?
› Write down 10 words that represent your family
as it is now?
› What words do you like or not like on these
lists? Write a list for what you want your family
to be about whilst you live abroad.
› Consider your new list and how will you make
these changes in daily life?

Now, regarding your amazing expat kids, think
about the following:

2. Positivity in language
Reflect on how you’ve spoken to your child(ren)
in the day. Have you given them positive or
negative messages? To be more positive –
describe what you want than what you don’t
want, try not to make threats, unfavourable
comparisons. Look the language you are using –
be positive where possible for instance. I like
that you wanted to do x, however, it would be
better to have mummy’s help next time.

3. Reinforcement of their being successful
Catch your child being successful! Notice and
praise it. If its something they can repeat ask
them to show you again. Remember success is
not just academic; it’s in small everyday actions!

4. Positive light
See your child through positive light / window.
When they say I’m no good at this. Remind them
how they’ve improved since they started and
how much better they will be. Remind them of
what they are good at and look for skills that
they could transfer to help them achieve the task
they find difficult. Help them to consider saying,
“what will it be like when I can do this” rather
than I can’t do this. A good way to maintain your
own positive light – consider the importance
of an issue with a question “Will this matter in 10
minutes / 10 days / 10 years from now?”