Moving your marriage abroad
25 Jan 2010
Moving to the Netherlands, or any new country
for that matter can be daunting, and most
definitely stressful. It becomes even harder
when you have a spouse to take into
consideration. The situation needs to be handled
sensitively otherwise your relationship may
become strained.
A survey conducted by the 2008 Global
Assignment Policies and Practices (GAPP) has
identified the main challenges that expatriate
couples will face when moving abroad:
› Feelings of isolation from being far removed
from friends and family
› A sense of unfamiliarity induced by living in a
foreign country, particularly if the culture and
language are very different to home
› Changes in lifestyle, which includes larger /
smaller accommodation, domestic help and
elevated social duties
› Financial dependency on one’s spouse
› Difficulty in finding suitable and / or rewarding
employment
It’s important that couples who are planning on
moving abroad are aware of these challenges
and prepare for them.
Taking charge of the challenges
Communication is key in situations like this. You
need to be sensitive to how each other are
feeling every step of the way. The relocation
process could be affecting each of you
differently and you will need to be prepared to
handle this - a strong support base is vital.
If problems are arising and you feel that you may
need some outside advice then a good
suggestion would be to see an expat life coach
who can guide the conversation and suggest
solutions to problems.
Also make sure that both of you have done your
homework. Do lots of research about where you
will be moving to. This will ease the shock of the
transition. The Internet is an abundance of
information, from expat guides and forums to
social media sites, like facebook and twitter, and
blogs written by experienced expats. By
sourcing and reading these sites and asking the
right questions, you will be able to get a very
good idea of what to expect.
Once you have moved, don’t forget your friends
and family back home. They will serve as a
strong support base for you as the familiarity will
ease the sense of isolation. Again, tools such as
skype, blogs and facebook will make it easier to
stay in touch.
Another tip, if you are being sent overseas by a
corporation, is to ensure your contract includes
periodic flights back home.
Make connections with people
During the initial phase of relocation, it is important to get out there and socialize so as to avoid social isolation. Be proactive; try joining the gym or other clubs that are available. If you are the stay at home spouse who may or may not be looking for a job, then try interacting with people at your spouses work functions.
Social isolation often leads to couples putting too much pressure on each other when they have no friends to spend time with or confide in. It can only get harder when your spouse is meeting new people through the new work environment.
There are many online forums that you can join where you can meet fellow expats who are in the same situation as you. Language classes are also another great way to bridge that gap and will also give you something to do and a place to meet people.
Taking roles in the relationship
If you have moved with your spouse due to them getting a job in the new country, then you may very well be finding yourself in a strange new country, completely dependent on your spouse’s income. This can put heavy stress on the marriage and can undermine a partner’s sense of self-worth.
A solution here could be for each partner in the marriage to take control over different areas of their expat life. So while the one spouse is out working, the other could be managing the household, social life and education for their children. It’s so important that you work together as a team, not just for yourselves, but for your children too. If you are feeling overwhelmed and out-of-sorts in the new country then your children are feeling it too, along with all your tension.
These are all tools to aid an expatriate couple for moving their marriage abroad. These challenges are exactly that, challenges. There is no reason why they can’t be overcome, and turn an ordinary marriage into an exceptional partnership.
If a couple can work together through the challenges of moving abroad - rather than against each other - and openly communicate their feelings and anxieties to one another, moving abroad can be a fantastic experience to share.
About the author
by Expat Arrivals
www.expatarrivals.com
Share / Bookmark / Print
